A no-nonsense way to deal with a difficult husband

If only a happily ever after is something that we’re assured of right after the wedding celebration – unfortunately, some of us don’t have it easy.

There are also husbands that make it as far as not including their spouse in their future plans, causing the wives to challenge a will their husband made. Many unhappy relationships may end where wives not having a part in the will or if there’s any, it’s not a fair share.

Everyone has a coping mechanism that we use when we find ourselves in stressful situations, but how can you handle if you have a difficult husband that also force you to fall back on our coping mechanisms.

During trying times, some of us confront, placate, and others become aggressive. If these tactics don’t work, when a difficult husband makes you tear and your hair out in total frustration, you have to understand yourself and find a better strategy.

First of all, not every difficult husband is the same. There are control freaks, tyrants, aggressors, curmudgeons, and viciously competitive. But how each beast might be tamed? It’s quite a simple strategy based on asking three questions.

1. Can I change the situation?
2. Do I have to put up with it instead?
3. Should I just walk away?

If you ask these questions, you will be able to formulate a workable approach that is effective and consistent. Most people are prisoners of inconsistency. Think about the most difficult situation in your life with your husband and how you have reacted to them over time. You’ll probably find that you sometimes put up with, try to get them to change, and other times simply want to stay away. So let’s consider each of the three questions.

1. Can I change the situation?

Not all difficult husbands are beyond change, even though they are stuck in their behavior and stubborn. There’s a protocol here that can’t be ignored. No one changes unless he wants to. And difficult husband rarely wants to.

Your best chance of creating change occurs if the following things are present.

• You’ve received signals that he wants to change.

• You aren’t afraid or intimidated.

• The two of you are fairly equal in power.

A difficult husband isn’t going to change just to make you feel better. The worst chance of getting him to change occurs when you’re so angry, frustrated, and fed up that you lose your composure.

2. Do I have to put up with it instead?

When you can’t change a situation, you either stay or walk away. Most of us aren’t very effective in getting someone else to change, so we adapt in various ways. The real question is whether you are coping in a healthy or unhealthy way.

Look at the following lists and honestly ask yourself how well you are in dealing with your difficult husband.

Unhealthy:

• I keep quiet and let him have his way. It’s not worth fighting over.

• I complain behind his backs.

• I shut down emotionally.

• I subtly signal my disapproval.

• I engage in endless arguments that no one wins.

• I know I want to get out of this situation, but I keep convincing myself that I have to stick it out.

• I indulge in to thinking of about revenge.

Healthy:

• I assess what works best for me and avoid what doesn’t.

• I approach my husband as rationally as possible.

• I don’t get into emotional drama with him.

• I don’t dwell on his.

• I don’t complain behind his backs or lose sleep.

If your approach contains too many unhealthy situations, you shouldn’t stick around. You’re just rationalizing a hopeless situation.

3. Should I just walk away?

Difficult husband generally wind up alone, bitter, and embattled. They create too much stress, and one by one, everyone in their lives walks away. The abused wife who can’t leave her violent or difficult husband, in almost every instance, their reason for staying is emotional.

Emotions are part of our lives, and it’s mature to take the bitter with the sweet up to a point. But as anxious as you feel, sometimes a rupture is the healthiest thing you can do. That’s the case if you have honestly confronted questions 1 and 2. If you know that your husband isn’t going to change, you can now handle for making the right choice: Do I stay or do I walk? I’m not promising that your decision will feel nice. It probably won’t. But it will be the right decision.